It's hard out here for a p...arent.

Raising children is like baking cookies.

You put in just the right amount of ingredients, follow all of the directions, space them out perfectly on the pan,  cook at the right temperature (this part may not apply to children), and hopefully at the end of your endeavor, you have these beautiful, delicious cookies.  Right? Maybe not always.  Sometimes, even when you do everything perfectly, your cookies don't turn out right.  

Tonight, I did one of the hardest things I've done in a while.  

I bought my 4 year old daughter some new pajamas with money that was designated as mine. When it was time to put them on at home later, she threw a little fit and said she didn't like the shirt and would only wear the pants.  Of course, I mentioned how I didn't HAVE to buy her anything and tell her that she's being disrespectful.  She only continued.  

I ended up bagging up her new pajamas with the receipt and all.  They are hanging on my door, ready to go back.  She cried, said she was sorry and that she would be good.  I didn't believe her.  We've been here before.  It didn't work last time.  

I  put her to bed in old pajamas with tears running down her cheeks. She says, "If you take them back, they might not have them next time.  They might be all gone." It's so hard not to just give them back at this point.  She understands that things are not always available.  I'm proud that she gets that.  I tell her that I'm not really sorry, but that she could have had a different outcome.  She agrees.  She still cries, but she knows what she did.  I tell her that I hope next time is different. She sniffles and lays her head down for sleep, accepting her fate.

I want so badly to give those pajamas to her.  I love giving gifts.  It makes me happy.  Getting those pajamas for her wasn't just for her.  It was for me too.  We've both lost something.  I don't want to take them back to the store and I'm considering making her earn them back.  I'm not sure what to do though.  Part of me feels that I have to take them back or the lesson won't truly be learned. It breaks my heart. 

My goal is to raise children that are observant and aware, grateful and honest, hardworking, considerate, and empathetic.   I know that they will not be perfect, but of all of those traits, I think being grateful might be one of the most important. 

Sometimes it hard work, but I want good cookies.

A Perfect Feeling

I've been thinking about my beautiful family a lot lately. I feel like we live this little fairy tale life and I love every minute of it. We come together with music a lot and my children have developed this amazing sense of culture and it's such a different experience from what I had growing up. An example: While walking by the produce section at the grocery store the water sprinkling warning song came on an Em immediately gave me the biggest smile and started clapping and jumping. It was Singing in the Rain and she recognized it instantly. That makes me so proud. I love car time because our kids control the music. We listen to Beck's song: Kick Drum Heart and he sings every word of it. He even does the raspy yell. Then we all listen to our favorite Bollywood songs and they've started singing them as well. Em even sang "Everybody is mean sometimes" to the melody of Everybody Hurts. All of those things make me so happy. My children love musicals, appreciate almost all music, and are developing this amazing vocabulary. Emaline says that paper is all wobbled up instead of wadded and I can't correct her. I like wobbled up better. I have this amazing, caring, ukelele carrying husband as well. He's by far the smartest person I've ever known but I still manage to keep him on his toes. We have our rough times and we are far from perfect, but it's everything I've ever wanted.

Hobbies and Breaks

This week I've taken up knitting and sewing again. I'm having to teach myself how to knit and I've definitely got some work ahead of me. Basic sewing isn't so bad. Tonight seemed like a good night to not grade papers and only sew, so Eric ended up with a new hat and Em acquired a new apron. She seemed pretty proud of it and it didn't take very long at all. I'm excited for spring break up ahead and I would be lying if I said I hadn't already mentally started it. Spring break should really be two weeks anyway so I'm just taking my share...

Randomness

If the weatherman says we won't get any snow, does that mean we will? I sure hope so! My house is in dire need of at least TWO snowdays and a week would be amazing! And if it's not gonna snow, I wanna be able to wear skirts and shorts and flip flops. Anyway, my kids finally seem to be well at the moment and hopefully we're finished with all the junk going around. It's been a good short weekend that involved a short shopping trip, Emaline dressed as Tinkerbell and Beck dressed as Snow White (I'll have to post pics later), and the beginnings of Downton Abbey (which we love so far).

Awkward/Unique Meets Highly Intelligent

I'm me and I've always been me. A little strange, a lot awkward, and slightly unique. I usually know what I'm looking for and am rarely without a plan.

My first truly intelligient plan:

Show up at Eric's house (a house I'm not sure is his or not), knock, ask if he wants to accompany us (I'm with a friend) to the lovely Wal-Mart in Siloam. Being the highly intelligent person he is, he said sure (the 1st of millions of vague answers). He couldn't turn down the girl of his dreams. Little did he know that I was crazy. I had already decided that he would be the one. I knew in my heart at sixteen that he had everything I wanted and needed. I mean honestly, he had tossed the hacky sac to me everyday at lunch. He had to love me right? It was in the stars! So anyway, WalMart turned into a month of dating and on November 16, 2001, as I was driving him home, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and we've never been apart since.

Things learned later:

Eric never realized he was tossing the hacky sac to me - hence he wasn't really. I'm just a little crazy.

We started out in the same Kindergarten class. He'd had a crush on me forever! And never acted on it!

Eric eventually realised I'm crazy and a little mean at times.

He thought I was beautiful- even when I didn't and it seemed like no one else did either.

It begins.

Today is my birthday. It seems like a good day to start saving memories. Some things that occurred today:

Eric bought me Patrick Park's Cd Everyone's in Everyone.
Emaline ran a fever of 104.9. I think she has tonsillitis.
Beck was terribly ornery.
Emaline sang "and I'm gonna keep on loving the Avett Brothers." After hearing I'm gonna keep on loving you. That girl has a major crush. I can't blame her though.
I ordered a new digital camera today. :)
Blogging makes me realize that life is good. Even when things go a little wrong.