It's hard out here for a p...arent.

Raising children is like baking cookies.

You put in just the right amount of ingredients, follow all of the directions, space them out perfectly on the pan,  cook at the right temperature (this part may not apply to children), and hopefully at the end of your endeavor, you have these beautiful, delicious cookies.  Right? Maybe not always.  Sometimes, even when you do everything perfectly, your cookies don't turn out right.  

Tonight, I did one of the hardest things I've done in a while.  

I bought my 4 year old daughter some new pajamas with money that was designated as mine. When it was time to put them on at home later, she threw a little fit and said she didn't like the shirt and would only wear the pants.  Of course, I mentioned how I didn't HAVE to buy her anything and tell her that she's being disrespectful.  She only continued.  

I ended up bagging up her new pajamas with the receipt and all.  They are hanging on my door, ready to go back.  She cried, said she was sorry and that she would be good.  I didn't believe her.  We've been here before.  It didn't work last time.  

I  put her to bed in old pajamas with tears running down her cheeks. She says, "If you take them back, they might not have them next time.  They might be all gone." It's so hard not to just give them back at this point.  She understands that things are not always available.  I'm proud that she gets that.  I tell her that I'm not really sorry, but that she could have had a different outcome.  She agrees.  She still cries, but she knows what she did.  I tell her that I hope next time is different. She sniffles and lays her head down for sleep, accepting her fate.

I want so badly to give those pajamas to her.  I love giving gifts.  It makes me happy.  Getting those pajamas for her wasn't just for her.  It was for me too.  We've both lost something.  I don't want to take them back to the store and I'm considering making her earn them back.  I'm not sure what to do though.  Part of me feels that I have to take them back or the lesson won't truly be learned. It breaks my heart. 

My goal is to raise children that are observant and aware, grateful and honest, hardworking, considerate, and empathetic.   I know that they will not be perfect, but of all of those traits, I think being grateful might be one of the most important. 

Sometimes it hard work, but I want good cookies.